Why dating after a breakup is pointless

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One of my beautiful s’cribers asked me how to find love after the demise of a long-term relationship? She had suddenly found herself alone, vulnerable and wondering how she was going to manage the intricacies of Tinder whilst running a business and mothering a young child.

I’m not the best person to dish out dating advice – I date like a flumsy man with Asperger’s. I could never work out the rules, the game kept changing and I had more luck picking up guys at train stations than at bars. People kept telling me that I was getting older (cu*ts) and that I needed to be ‘less picky’ and more ‘open’ with my relationship choices. I’m so glad I ignored the naysayers and decided to work on my own sh*t before subjecting others to my “I’m a very dateable, sane and appropriate” sales-spiel.

I told my beautiful s’criber to stop seeking out love and fulfilment in others – that type of love simply doesn’t (and can’t) exist in the form of another relationship or in your future baby-daddy. The worst thing you can possibly do is start dating again. You need time to mourn and then you need the space to heal. Focus your energy on being the best mumma possible, invest in soul-enriching friendships, spend quality time with your family and then keep kicking your own professional and personal goals.

That is so much more empowering – not to mention way sexier – than a person who’s coming from a place of need and lack, ’cause really – no one likes a stage 5 clinger.

We only accept the love that we think we deserve, so it’s time to up your self-worth and look within for the love you desire.

Some starting points:

  1. Keep your mind curious – a sense of curiosity leads to a greater sense of wonder about the world. Educate and be prepared to invest in yourself. Pick a topic that you’re interested in and start learning about business, culture, health or technology.

  2. Be kind – kindness doesn’t cost a thing, sprinkle it everywhere. Start by being kinder to yourself. Stop beating yourself up for all the things you should have done and start acknowledging all the things that make you so unapologetically yourself.

  3. Get giving – we didn’t incarnate to wallow in our own sob story and to leech on others. Develop a spirit of genuine generosity and get busy giving. You don’t need to become holier-than-thou you just need to give a shit about the people around you.

I hope these tips and my flumsy dating advice is truly helpful and of service. Do you have any advice for finding love after the end of a long-term relationship? Share with me in the comments below!