Beyonce got it wrong. Single ladies aren’t up in some rank club waiting for some dude to put a ring on it, are you insane? I’m not keen on all that girl-power and sisterhood palava but I think that someone needs to wave the flag for all the Successfully Single babes out there (my bestie Em came up with that term and I’m totally stealing it!)
Navigating the dating game is tricky and whoever said love is a battlefield was totally on the money. Sometimes you have an influx of too much choice, the difficulty of swiping left versus right or the feeling of crippling rejection from that dude you really liked and slept with on date 3… chin up princess it really ain’t that bad.
I spent 5 years trying to be Successfully Single – I know this sounds super naff but just bear with me. I feared that there might be something wrong with me so I just worked super hard, went out with my friends, did all the things that I loved, did whatever I liked and dated whoever I liked. Once I’d met somebody I really liked, I just dated him instead.
I hated the idea that my value or self-worth was being measured by my ability to attract a spouse or a potential life partner. Some well-meaning people projected their own fear of being Successfully Single onto me. Some of my favourites included (and imagine these being said with a patronising mix of love, worry and pity):
“When are you going to date properly / find a boyfriend / settle down?”
“When you stop being so busy / picky / difficult you might actually find a person who loves you”
“But you’re so great, I don’t get why you’re all alone”
Oh what the eff, go away!
On some level we all fear being alone but by the same token we’re petrified of being open as that leaves us vulnerable to being hurt. So you push good people away (downfalls of being too ‘nice’) and you waste your precious time and energy with bullshit guys who are just a giant waste of your time.
I hate seeing beautiful, intelligent and successful woman feeling like life fails or being down on themselves because they’re single. I see it all the time and it’s not true. You’ve got so much great stuff going on and there’s nothing (or no-one) missing, you’re not fundamentally flawed and you’re sure-as-fu*k not broken.
Everyday love perpetuated by the Disney fairytale ending does single women a disservice. You’re left feeling or longing for someone else to help complete your happy picture. The words “I love you” actually translates into here’s my ‘love’ and now its your job to make me happy.
Tell Beyonce to shut up and then buy your own goddamn ring.It’s your job to make yourself happy, nobody else’s. Fill yourself up, make yourself a better person and do all the things that bring you joy. Only then might you have something of value to give to another person. And if someone asks why you’re still single, tell them to f*k off and mind their own business.