Thank You, Next

thank you next.jpg

Dating is hard work, all that talking and having to pretend that you’re interested in someone else’s life story – major yawn. Hooking up is so much simpler. You can cut down your talking time by at least half by using your phone as a handy little sexnav device. With a simple swipe to the right you can organize anything from dinner, drinks and late night cuddles to threesomes and orgies with people within a 10 kilometre radius. Genius right?

This is the new convention, love millennium style. Who has the time or energy to meet people in bars and clubs, that’s so passé. No one cares about flowers, feelings or any of that palava. It’s all about quick, fast and efficient – physical bonding without the investment in emotional intimacy.

But that’s where the disconnect begins. People are emotional beings, seeking out connection with others. So hooking up with strangers is good, and sex devoid of emotion can be fun – but it’s also the easy way out.

  • Does hooking up make us unhappy? God no.

  • Is hooking up detrimental to a woman’s self esteem? Not really, woman are some of the worst perpetrators of the game.

  • Is sex becoming disposable? Absolutely

I’m a terrible date and I was really lucky that my bf Ben is such an emotionally mature and wise man. I would have been the one selling me and ultimately our happiness short by settling for fun and physical pleasure over any form of emotional intimacy. But Ben wouldn’t have a bar of it and insisted on getting to know me, talking and spending time together instead. Go figure.

Physical pleasure is such a no-brainer. Push here, rub there and now we’re done and you can go home. Getting to know someone is hard work. Dating is a pain in the ass because emotional connection is scary. It leaves our hearts (not legs) wide open and vulnerable to being hurt and rejected – and that my friend is a completely petrifying thought.

It’s easier is stay distracted and to focus more on the physical without having to scratch the surface or delve into any form of intimacy. That’s where the work is. Sex stops being a performance act and becomes more about emotional connection and an expression of love and care. Vomit in my mouth, but it’s true.

My advice – talk more and care more. I’m not huge on fairytale endings and the illusion of romance but I believe in connection. Be interested in another person and their story. Care about their feelings. Stop for just a minute and take the time to get to know somebody. You might actually like them or you might be completely repulsed by their entire being but give yourself that opportunity before calling ‘thank you, next’.