Yoga People Do Strange Things

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I love yoga, that goes without saying. But my people do some strange things that are easily misinterpreted by our non-yogi friends as quirky at best, perverted and stay-the-fuck-away from me at worst. Here are some of the quirkier (but easily misinterpreted) yogic fun facts:

We kiss on the mouth

I kiss everyone on the mouth at yoga. Guys, girls – yep I’m totally up for a good mouth kiss. I don’t know where this habit started from but it’s now a widespread and accepted part of saying “hello, namaste.”

If you don’t like it, turn your head to the side.

I tried to translate this kind act of affection into daily life and it just didn’t fly. Apparently it’s uncool to try to mouth kiss your bestie or your boss unless they’re yogis too. People don’t like it and feel as though your assaulting their private mouth space.

For this I am sorry.

We’ve all pretended to be raw vegan, give up alcohol, or go on a parasite detox – at least once.

Apparently true yogis don’t drink wine. What utter bullshit, so no thanks for this little yogi. However I have tried my hand at raw vegan food (it’s mostly delicious), colonics, and a variety of different cleanses (they make me angry).

Yoga people are obsessed with their genitals

It’s all the heavy breathing you see. Breath is a big part of yoga and it causes our kundalinis to get all excited and worked up. We combine breath (pranayama), with asana (yoga postures) and bundas (where we squeeze our private parts to make our core stronger so we can backbend further). It’s just a whole lotta focus on our bottom 3 chakras.

We’re not trying to dry-hump your leg or pelvic-thrust you inappropriately. It’s just that all that squeezing, strengthening and holding in a hot room makes us slightly obsessed with our own genitalia.

We like our bums in tight lyrca

Male or female, we all look better in lycra. I own at least 7 pairs of black Lululemon tights. They give our yoga bums a slight lift whilst making it easier for the hot teacher to adjust my downward dog.

Yes, yogis are vain.

We’re all avid poo-watchers

Yoga people stare at their own shit all the time, and by shit I mean poo. We’re obsessed with our own bowl motions.  To a yoga person this isn’t gross – it’s an amazing indicator of your physical and emotional well-being

To my non-yogic friends – never ask me about my own bowl motions cause’ I’ll tell you. I want to hear about yours as well. It this makes you uncomfortable or grossed out, my apologies now.

We often sound like jerks

We use tarted-up flowery language to describe our vast array of feelings and to help encapsulate our complex emotions.

For example when a yoga person says “I feel the urge to honour my soul body temple and hold this space in a state of balance and relaxation” it means “I’m tried, I think I’ll stay home tonight” (non-yoga person translation).

These are just some of the strange things that us yogis feel are completely acceptable. Do you have any others to share?